Comments on ShaBot ShaBlog: Into the Void

yes. yes. yes! lol :-) great post.

2009-06-11T18:11:35.398-05:00

yes. yes. yes! lol :-) great post.

I am not Jdating (yet), but I did take a look and ...

2006-01-23T03:58:00.000-05:00

I am not Jdating (yet), but I did take a look and saw the "VP with looks" you mentioned... I think I am in love. She deserves a better line than the one you sent her.

See, this --In response to your essay, I must conf...

2005-12-26T16:32:00.000-05:00

See, this --

In response to your essay, I must confess: I am not a reader. It's not that I don't like to read ... I CAN'T read! I never learned how. Sure, I can write, but I can never go back and read what I've written to make corrections. (You may be asking, how did I read your letter? Easy: Helper monkey)

-- had me in tears. You're bloody funny. And cute. Rock on.

Happy Hanukkah, Ben Baruch, from a big fan of your...

2005-12-26T01:09:00.000-05:00

Happy Hanukkah, Ben Baruch, from a big fan of yours on the West Coast.

I had a few dates with men who wrote me on JDate, but after 3 months as a member, I tired of the whole spiel.

(I eventually hooked up with a real mensch, not from JDate.)

Too bad you're not in SoCal, Ben Baruch!

:)

Hope you have LOVEly, LOVE-filled 2006. May you find your menschette soon!

Ben you do a good cartoon and are probably amusing...

2005-12-24T19:37:00.000-05:00

Ben you do a good cartoon and are probably amusing but the emails are dooming you to failure. Write like you want to meet the girl not like youre pitching a sitcom. The lines are not particularly funny but the real problem is that they clearly don't work. Do yourself a favor and play it straight until you at least talk in real life.

"fact is that the majority of people on Jdate are ...

2005-12-24T04:52:00.000-05:00

"fact is that the majority of people on Jdate are ordinary and vanilla. Not extremely creative and edgy (go to Nerve.com or other sites for more creative types)."

Very true. But on Nerve you can't say you're a practicing Jew or no one will write you. You can be an atheist or a Buddhist or "spiritual" but God forbid you should practice a mainstream religion. And you have to be left-wing too.

Edgy nervy creative people can be very conventional in their own way . . .

Pay no attention to those stuffy girls! If you sen...

2005-12-24T04:48:00.000-05:00

Pay no attention to those stuffy girls! If you sent me any of those cute emails I would date you!

And I love short guys - I'm only 5 ft tall, and I hate having to crane my neck when I'm talking to someone.

Why are all the cute short funny guys young enough to be my son? Do you have any (very) older brothers?

(PS came here from Canonist)

As we can all see from the variety of comments and...

2005-12-21T15:37:00.000-05:00

As we can all see from the variety of comments and advice given here, everyone has their own preferences and opinions, so they probably won't be overly helpful when taken as a whole. But for what it's worth, here's mine: the puns are terrible. And they make me laugh (well, most of them). They DO make it sound like you're "trying too hard" when taken in isolation, but if incorporated into something larger, I'm sure they would be just fine.

Please do keep in mind that non-paying members (such as myself) cannot read the messages you send them. That's why it's so great to be subversive (a la Mr. Anonymous) and indicate an e-mail address/messenger ID in the profile itself. That way, people who can't/won't pay for the service can still contact you. Of course, most people aren't going to be smart enough to decode your little encrypted hints, but if you're looking to weed those people out anyway, you're good to go. I'm sorry that your essays aren't available -- if they were, I'd be better able to assess your style. But in any case, I'm with the last commenter: if you're looking for intelligent and funny, keep your essays smart and punchy. The women you wouldn't be interested anyway won't write you. So what? It's not about big numbers. It's about finding a match. You only need one, if she's the right one. I am sorry to hear that the women online are just as bland as I believe the men to be, but I guess it's inevitable that the online dating world should match the "real" world. Don't give up, and don't compromise your values. You may want to compromise a bit on a woman's appearance if you're seriously looking for someone. Goodness knows we women have to make allowances for men all the time! And that's okay.

Regarding the height thing, BRAVO! Yes, it's true that many women may end up filtering you out of their searches, but that says nothing about the women you write to. And no, women are NOT forgiving about deception. Thank you for being honest -- it's so, so refreshing to think that there's at least one honest guy out there!

I thought the lines were hysterical, but I'm defin...

2005-12-20T18:12:00.000-05:00

I thought the lines were hysterical, but I'm definitely not your type.

Good luck!

-Scott

Have to weigh in on this one. Whether the puns ar...

2005-12-15T13:42:00.000-05:00

Have to weigh in on this one. Whether the puns are funny or not is irrelevant (personally I think they aren't and wouldnt respond - they do sound a bit like corny bad sit-com pick-up lines - imho). Its whether the person you send them to would find them funny. And that fact you should be able to tell from their profile. Ben, I dont think the women you sent them to would find them funny (for example the VP girl). Sorry. Look for a women who uses equally funny (or nonfunny) puns or jokes in their profiles. Or better yet, put them in your profile and let them find you.

As to lying - not a good idea. Most women will NOT be forgiving if they show up and you are a couple inches shorter. Only write to those women whose profiles place your height (or an inch taller) in their range of acceptibility. Or else deal with alot of rejection.

It also may be that women who appreciate your humor and who are also are willing to date a shorter guy may not be thin or young enough for you. If thats the case, you'll have to open your mind and parameters a bit.

Look, fact is that the majority of people on Jdate are ordinary and vanilla. Not extremely creative and edgy (go to Nerve.com or other sites for more creative types). So if youre going to be a bit different than the mainstream (and you seem to be), you are limiting your chances on Jdate. Personally, when I did jdate, I used a fairly "smart" profile, and pretty much only wrote women who I thought would get my profile and me. When I posted my profile, I got a whole bunch of emails, and all of them were from smart, funny cool chicks who were not mainstream by any account. Though to tell you the truth, most were not attractive (I hate to sound judgmental, but Im being open here). So I tapered my profile down, so it was less 'smart' and more typical, and I started getting alot of emails from all these women - but now, many were quite attractive, but totally generic and vanilla (which would be fine if all I was looking for was to F around, which I am past) so I hid my profile and dated only those I contacted.

Keep us posted.

Ben or is it Will or Bill [an amalgam of both?]Now...

2005-12-14T13:57:00.000-05:00

Ben or is it Will or Bill [an amalgam of both?]

Now I know what i've been doing wrong also - I have a horrible tendancy to make lots of very bad jokes and especially puns when e-dating [its been a while i admit - which is obviously the only reason why this comment is so totally unfunny - sorry - there goes my humourous credibility].
Anyhow ... i used to give extra points [in my mind] to those who got my jokes and could cap them. The secret is to write something which is "reply-able" not a conversation dead end - that your one liners - funny or not - sometimes were.

I used to deliberatly put some quirky aspect or jokes into my profile for people to respond to or pick up on or make a joke about, rather than just dull facts about my job, education, qualifications [yawn yawn]. If i did get too [horror of horrors] into the jdate type ethos and find myself repeating some hackneyed profile type cliches [heaven forefend pe pe pe] then at least i would warn people with a "Cliche alert note" or be self deprecating about the "horrible pressure to be witty, amusing and clever and desirable on a first email/profile" - obviously I wanted the other person to have no problem in exhibing those [yes I know - cliched alert - qualities].

Did i say that i'm still single ... i never had a long term relationship from any of those sites [but i did make some close friends]however the word play, puns, poems and one liners exchanged with some superb people [clicking on humour is not necessarily all that is needed for a successful relationship]and it was enjoyable.

If anyone else cares or dares to to send me your wit [on the theme of an ode to how many jelly beans can grecian urn maybe???]
I would love to be amused, bemused, even a tiny bit confused ... in the hope that it might lead to something more than an interchange of Wit(t). From
Gen. Stein

Ben- I implore you NOT to change anything about yo...

2005-12-14T11:16:00.000-05:00

Ben- I implore you NOT to change anything about your emails to women on Jdate. I responded, we went out, we had a great time. Those that don't find humor, or are turned off by them, simply aren't for you. Those that do, like moi, have a better probability of "getting" your true essence. Wow- all this must really be helping the ego.

I'm not on JDate because well, I'm holding out one...

2005-12-14T09:43:00.000-05:00

I'm not on JDate because well, I'm holding out one more year if I can, but I thought that some of those lines were pretty funny. If people can't see the humor in them, then maybe they take themselves too seriously.

Of course, I'm a med student and we're known to be the biggest dorks around so perhaps I don't know what I'm talking about.

Oh, but don't lie in your profile. You should be appreciated for who you are, because it's all you - your height, your humor and your heart. You shouldn't have to put up a front to be noticed.

Hey Benny Boy! I think you've got quite a bit of g...

2005-12-14T07:15:00.000-05:00

Hey Benny Boy! I think you've got quite a bit of good advice here. I thought Esther's thoughts were pretty helpful.

If you need a "male buddy" to pose with in a photo, I'll be back in a few weeks.

When all's said and done though I think it can be summed up with two words.

Keep Trying.

Props to you for actually responding to something ...

2005-12-13T21:11:00.000-05:00

Props to you for actually responding to something in the profiles. Puns are fine by me, but I personally don't like overtly sexual puns/jokes from someone I don't know...so if I were the girl you were writing to, you'd be better off saving those for e-mails after date #2.

I generally won't respond to someone whose essays are "under review" -- I'll wait until I can read the essays, then write back. Oh, and another thing that might be turning some people away: there's a girl in one of your pictures. I definitely recommend at least mentioning her in your "About me" essay -- or better yet, deleting that picture and replacing it with one that's just of you (or you and a male buddy).

Good luck! Smart, witty, and cute -- you're a rare commodity on JDate.

Wow, I only met losers on Jdate. Which is why I ca...

2005-12-13T20:53:00.000-05:00

Wow, I only met losers on Jdate. Which is why I cancelled my membership. But they keep sending me emails full of "matches." Matches my tuchus! I would rather share a banana with a chimpanzee.

Your puns are great. I would never turn someome away for those messages. We'd probably get along famously and amuse ourselves to death.

I'm not going to lie about my height. That wouldn...

2005-12-13T20:46:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to lie about my height. That wouldn't be fair. Besides, I'm already lying about my marital status ;-)

To the anon who got 934 messages from girls ... I'd be curious to read your profile. Feel free to post bits of it here, or send it to me privately. And send photos. Maybe you just look like Brad Pitt, and the essay part is irrelevant.

well, if i got funnee emails like, i would respond...

2005-12-13T20:32:00.000-05:00

well, if i got funnee emails like, i would respond. too bad im apparently not your type because i never got an email from you!

Your lines sound like the pickup lines guys use in...

2005-12-13T19:39:00.000-05:00

Your lines sound like the pickup lines guys use in bars in the sitcoms. I would not respond - though I would not mind these jokes if I knew you already. I like an email that seems more like a real person.

Also, I detest it when guys lie about their height - or weight or age or anything else. If they start lying right away, who knows when they'll stop?

I went out with two guys in a row who had claimed they were 5'8" but I'm 5'6" and they were quite a bit shorter than me. Did they think I wasn't going to notice?

Be nice right off the bat and save the puns for a special treat, later.

Hey, this is commenter #11. In response to that la...

2005-12-13T19:02:00.000-05:00

Hey, this is commenter #11. In response to that last comment, i would have to say that any girl who is stupid enough not to respond to a guy based on height is losing out, especially if the guy is cool.Hence, you shouldn't have to lie or try too hard to get dates -if you do you will turn people away.

In fact, i went out with a guy recently that lied about his age to me beforehand, took off about 4 years. I was a bit miffed about the fact that he lied, so why start the process by giving out misinformation in the first place?

Besides, I like short men. Not every girl is going to delete an email from a guy who's shorter than 5'8". Maybe 5'2", but not if the guy sounded REALLY cool. Life's too short for this bullshit.

i'm a guy.and on jdate.and apparently i got 934 me...

2005-12-13T18:04:00.000-05:00

i'm a guy.
and on jdate.
and apparently i got 934 messages from girls on that lovely jewish moneymaking machine.
not that i know what they write cause i just have info hidden in my profile so if they are curious enough they'll read carefully (and many do). i don't see why would anyone pay for this service. better subvert it. it's more fun.

to the point: it works for me
and so i feel a little (not a lot) qualified to offer the following critique:

your one-liners are not funny. sorry. they are also not that clever. they sound like lines intended for a woody allenesque dialogue. not for girls you are trying to interest. it also makes you sound like you are trying too hard. and it makes you sound defensive.

so write something longer damn it. talk about your cartoons. about why you care to draw them. why others might care to look at them. make yourself stand out by being unusual and yet friendly, not by trying to appear condescending and a smartass. it's all too easy to be one.

oh and you are 5'6". it's nice of you to be sincere. but make yourself 5'8. if girls like you, they'll forgive you for this minor lie. but i bet many girls don't even give themselves a chance to discover how cool you are because they filter you out based on height. so i'd say try it out (personal disclaimer: i never had to do it myself, but i heard from plenty of girls that for them going on a first date with a short guy would be an issue, yet if they knew him already, it wouldn't. yes it's stupid. but that's america. you might consider a cartoon on the topic :) )

I should point out that I do write more than just ...

2005-12-13T15:58:00.000-05:00

I should point out that I do write more than just the one-liner clips I've listed in this post. The rest of a typical message I write is considerably standard fare, short and sweet (e.g. "So tell me about Research Marketing", "How long have you been on JDate?", "I really admire your blah blah blah") I try to avoid the cliché "I liked your profile" line, it's too obvious. The one-liner is just to make an otherwise ordinary letter stand out.

I thought your puns were laugh-out-loud funny, and...

2005-12-13T15:34:00.000-05:00

I thought your puns were laugh-out-loud funny, and I happen to be on jdate myself (perhaps I have a lousy sense of humor as well.) Now the only problem is—if i got an email from you with a pun like that, I would be annoyed—even though I happen to think they were funny, and I think you're kind of cute and interesting.

Using puns in emails generated to show interest in someone set the wrong tone when first initiating contact with a person. It looks like you're spending too much time trying to be witty, rather than just trying to show interest in that person. Women are turned off when it looks like a guy is trying to hard to get their attention.

In fact, your puns make you look like a smart-ass, and subconsiously shows some aversion to the entire medium in general (and thats a turn-off as well.) You shouldn't have to write a catchy one-liner to get someone's attention. Would you be using these one-liners to go up to someone in a bar? Didn't think so.

Thats one school. The other is, at least get the ...

2005-12-13T15:33:00.000-05:00

Thats one school. The other is, at least get the date, and then see if you click. If my current beau had told me he occassionally smoked before I met him, I would never have gone out with him. I did, and once I got to know him - and liked him - I dealt with the smoking. People - particularly us women - make quick judgments online, and if one thing throws them off at the start they wont give you a chance, even if they wouldnt have minded that thing otherwise. Just a thought.
Generally, I have found that the opening email is irrelevant - its the profile that makes us decide yes or no.

Anon, maybe I'm doing myself a huge favor by writi...

2005-12-13T14:39:00.000-05:00

Anon, maybe I'm doing myself a huge favor by writing what I think is funny. If someone writes back, at least we may share the same terrible sense of humor.

If I'm not being myself with what I write, I might as well upload photos of someone else.